I am writing to you so that you will hear my voice and not jump to conclusions about me. I am coming to your school in September and these are the things you need to know about me.
1. I'm a great kid!
2. I come with a past.
3. I did not control my past.
4. I have been shaped by my past.
5. I am struggling with the after effects of my past.
6. I struggle to sit still, to concentrate, to not look out the window, to listen to you, not to fiddle.
7. Sometimes I 'flip out'.
8. I don't like loud noises or surprises.
9. I don't trust strangers.
10. I'm often very tired.
11. Making and keeping friends is hard for me.
12. I don't get sarcasm.
I could go on, it's a long list of what you need to know before you decided where to 'pigeon-hole' me. Disruptive, lacking motivation, poor concentration, confrontational, a problem..........
Why am I like this, I hope this is a question you ask yourself but not through gritted teeth but in a truly wondering, want to understand way.
1. I have seen and heard things a child never should.
2. I have not been held, sung to and soothed, only in my Mum's head.
3. I have only known chaos.
4. I have never had a day where I felt totally relaxed and could switch off.
5. I have always had to be alert to run up stairs, to get out of the house, to duck behind the sofa, to ring the Police.
6. I have never known if Mum would be smiling, bleeding or crying in the morning when I get up.
7. Staying alert, listening for sounds, watching faces, sniffing for alcohol laden breath has kept me alive.
8. I have to look for the hidden meaning in everything which is said to me as getting it wrong is dangerous.
9. I have never consistently built a relationship with anyone, Mum wasn't allowed too and Dad was either my best or worst friend.
10. I can't sleep now. I'm scared to go to bed to leave Mum and need to stay awake in case he comes back in the night.
11. I am very reactive, mostly I hit out, sometimes I run, but not 'cos I want too.
12. I'm a great kid, so understand me, support me, care about me, then maybe one day I will be able to learn in your school and make some friends.